So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
