So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
