Just fell off a train. Bad.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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