Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
