I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
