good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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