your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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