yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
