i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
