so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
