Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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