Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
