if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My vagina is officially offended.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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