Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
