I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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