she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
