I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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