fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize