I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
