Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
