You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
