I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
