I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
