i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
