we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
