If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i think my cat just said my name.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
