We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
