Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
