Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
