i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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