Plan B is the new Plan A
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
