Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What a dumb baby whore.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
