Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am naked and annoyed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
