i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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