So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
