There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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