Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
