I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
