I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
