I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
