There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
this hospital has no fireball
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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