i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
