I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
