Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
