well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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