I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
