Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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