I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
