anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
