you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
