How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize