I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My ass is underappreciated
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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