You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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