somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
