I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize