I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize