I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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