Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
