....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
