It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
