I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize