Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
