Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
