Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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