I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize