Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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